Charlie's Entree from 1978, Cleaning the table

Cast: Charlie, Junior, Little Jimmy, Norman Barrett, and ring boy John Murray.

1.

Under the direction of ringmaster Norman Barrett, the ring boys bring a table into the ring with a chair placed on top of it, as though preparing for an acrobatic routine. Unfortunately, a painter has left a bucket of yellow paint on the chair—something the ring boys appear not to have noticed.

As John Murray lifts one leg of the chair to place it on the ground, the bucket slips onto the table. Its contents—liquid yellow slosh—spill across the tabletop and onto the ring floor.

2.

Norman scolds the ring boy, who apologises and leaves the ring, while Norman, clearly perturbed, searches for a solution to clean the mess. It looks like an accident that has disrupted the continuity of the show. The band improvises a few bars of music to cover the mishap—not, however, the usual tune that accompanies Charlie’s entrance.

3.

Charlie enters in his customary baggy trousers held up by braces, wearing a crushed helmet like those used on building sites. Junior and Little Jimmy, both in blue boiler suits, accompany him. They appear as three Tower Circus maintenance workers taking their tea break.

Charlie carries a plasterer’s trowel laden with stiff white slosh in his right hand and holds a bucket in the other. Junior carries two buckets. Little Jimmy pushes a wheelbarrow full of stiff slosh and cleaning equipment, including a broom.

4.

To Norman, they are heaven-sent—the perfect people to help clean the mess quickly. He pleads with them to repair the damage.

“No, it’s our tea break,” Charlie replies.

“It’ll be money under the table—no tax!” Norman counters.

Charlie softens slightly, but insists they cannot work outside normal hours without the approval of the shop steward (Jimmy). After some negotiation, the deal is agreed.

5.

The three workers approach the table. Charlie asks Norman, “How long are we allowed to clean the mess?”

“Three minutes,” Norman replies, before exiting the ring.

Jimmy, fascinated by the spilled paint, stares at the table. Charlie, now standing before it, tries to work out with his fingers what three minutes means, but notices Jimmy’s lingering stare.

“Stop looking and start cleaning!” he snaps, before turning back to face the centre of the ring.

6.

Jimmy begins wiping up the slosh with the palm of his hand, unaware that he is smearing it directly onto Charlie’s back. Charlie realises what is happening, scolds Jimmy, and taps him on the head with the side of the trowel (the clean side, not the sloshy one).

“Stupid! Pick up the bucket of water and the broom and make a proper job of it,” Charlie barks.

He turns away and tries again to count the allotted three minutes on his fingers. As before, Jimmy flings the contents of his bucket without looking—and Charlie gets soaked again, this time on the legs.

7.

Charlie is now exasperated. He snatches the broom from Jimmy, brushes some of the slosh onto the floor, and pauses to give his trademark wink to the audience.

“Shall I?” he asks, drawing the usual enthusiastic reply.

The audience knows exactly what is coming. Charlie opens the neck of Jimmy’s boiler suit wide, brushes Jimmy’s face with the sloshy broom, and then slides the broom down inside the boiler suit.

8.

Junior, who had taken the trowel from Charlie so he could enact his revenge, hands it back. Junior grabs the broom and, like an athlete throwing a light javelin, spins around in a full 360° before launching it at Jimmy.

Jimmy ducks. The broom hits Charlie squarely in the back, propelling his face straight into the trowel full of slosh.

9.

Jimmy collapses into hysterical laughter and sits on the chair at the end of the table. Furious, Charlie—who had already discovered that the planks forming the tabletop were not properly secured—places the trowel back into the wheelbarrow, picks up a bucket of water, and sets it on one end of the loose plank opposite Jimmy. He lifts the plank. The bucket slides down and tips its contents directly into Jimmy’s lap.

10.

Soaked and enraged, Jimmy rises, grabs the trowel full of slosh from the wheelbarrow, marches up to Charlie, opens the front of Charlie’s trousers, and drops the trowelful inside—to Charlie’s utter astonishment.

11.

Now it is Junior’s turn to laugh at his companions’ misfortune. He attempts to sit on the table, but the loose panel spins and sends him tumbling to the floor—right onto the trowel of slosh that Jimmy had placed there after hitting Charlie.

12.

Charlie now laughs, but as Junior gets up and flips the panel back into place, Charlie pretends he has trapped his fingers in the operation.

13.

In pursuit of Junior, Charlie grabs a special bucket prepared half with cotton wool (which looks like slosh) and half with real slosh. Junior takes refuge in a seat among the audience.

“Shall I?” Charlie calls.

Using the cotton-wool side, he terrifies several customers in the front row who think they are about to be drenched.

14.

Junior and Jimmy return to cleaning while Charlie kneads more slosh from the wheelbarrow on his trowel. Jimmy is fascinated and comes closer to watch. Naturally, this gives Charlie an idea.

He prepares to throw a large dollop at Jimmy’s face. Junior has also wandered close behind Jimmy. With the audience’s approval, Charlie lets fly. Jimmy ducks and Junior takes the full hit.

15.

Satisfied, Jimmy sits on the chair now placed in the middle of the ring. For revenge, Junior fills a large tin can with thick slosh from the wheelbarrow and empties it over Jimmy’s head—rotating the tin fully once for good measure before lifting it off to reveal Jimmy’s head completely submerged in slosh. Jimmy wipes his eyes and staggers away from the chair.

16.

Junior takes his place on the chair (for no reason other than to set up the next gag). Charlie picks up Junior’s woolly hat, fills it with slosh, and forces it onto Junior’s head. There is a hole in the top, so a jet of slosh spurts straight upward.

17.

Charlie now wants to sit on the chair. Jimmy has placed a trowel on it in the hope that Charlie will sit directly on it. Junior attempts to prevent the children in the audience from warning Charlie of his fate, but inevitably Charlie sits—despite the desperate cries of the children trying to save him.

18.

Norman returns to find the ring in an even worse state than before. He summons John Murray and hands him an enormous broom, similar to those used on naval decks. With two sweeping strokes, John pushes the entire mess into the openings around the ring. He stands proudly in the centre.

“You see?” Norman declares. “All it needed was twenty seconds. The job is done, and my man is spotless.”

He leaves the ring, John beaming with pride.

19.

Rather than accept this reversal of fortune, the three workers surround John to give him a piece of their mind. Charlie lifts John’s jumper and applies slosh to his bare chest with the trowel. Junior washes John’s hair with slosh. Jimmy smears his back with even more.

They lift John by his arms and legs, place him in the wheelbarrow, and finish the “job” with the remaining slosh.

Satisfied—and to the audience’s applause—they leave the ring, leaving John utterly dismayed in the wheelbarrow. He eventually climbs out and departs: the messiest of them all. 

by Daniel Potier